On Death and Dying

Am I turning morose? Perhaps. I'd like to think not. I'm reading Sogyal Rinpoche's classic The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Like a baby deer swallowed by a python (boa?) so moves the bolus of baby-boomers moving through the age demographic of not only the US but the world. {Horrible metaphor, but I'm not feeling terribly poetic}. Though we have the fortunate circumstance that many third world nations have death rates high enough that old age an infirmary are not a problem, just malnutrition and pestilence--largely out of the view of westerners. {Satire, in case you missed it}.

About two years ago, I had a very interesting conversation with some colleagues (health care) regarding services to the terminally ill. They are paltry. Our doctors on the whole are not trained in providing services to the terminally ill. They are trained to write 'scrips and order procedures, although the utility of either is nil in the end. We each left the meeting with high hopes of doing something, as we were all executives in a position to do so--but our regular duties weighed us down and then attrition took its toll. But the desire to address this important issue remains.

If you were to look at the health costs of over the continuum of one's life, they increase exponentially in the last week or so of one's life. Now take those last five days and apply them to a burgeoning population that will be dying on government dollars (Medicare). I promise you that there will have to be some rationing of care as the system will be overwhelmed.

Personally, I'd like to die well--meaning I'd like to have a choice in accelerating my demise to avoid the pain and expense of a long-debilitating death. I'm training my kids to know without hesitation that "in the event that" ...they know my wishes. Of course, there are those Monty Python flashbacks of the poor wart-encrusted woman being carted off kicking and screaming, "I'm not quite dead yet!" There's a risk with everything, isn't it?

There's a huge difference in bringing a child into this world (and I'll spare you my personal stories on that)--the ritual, support and available information to SUPPORT you in this event-- v. assisting a family member transitioning out of this world (and I'll spare you those stories as well). The former is something that we are well attuned to--and happily engage in. The latter is something that we shuffle through with dread and uncertainty. Why aren't there "What to Expect when You are Dying" books on the shelves like the "What to Expect When you are Expecting" books? We need those books, for we're going to have more people dying than giving birth. The other difference? People are going to be dying on the government's (Medicare) nickel.

So, I'm looking forward to my reading of Rinpoche's book. I'm going to commit this year to educating myself on this issue. I think that it is important. And I'd really like to be able to make decisions on my own behalf rather than have others make them for me.

Now, as the new year continues to unfold, I want you to think about your own demise. At the very least, get your paperwork in order so someone doesn't have to piece together your financial dynasty while being peppered with requests to pay your past due bills. It's perfectly okay to have a moribund folder entitled "My Demise", with all of your bank accounts, passwords, insurance documents and all the other things that might be helpful to the person in charge of taking care of your stuff. Also, if you want folks to write a fairly accurate account of your life, why don't you do them the favor of sketching out your obituary--and what you might want shared. If you've harbored any desire to have some special music played at your funeral or a naked girl bursting through a cake--jot that down too.

And finally, if you have any of those "odd" things stashed away that would bring devastation upon your family if they were to be found, get rid of them.